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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
If one of your life goals is to fight with someone about how to load a dishwasher, may I suggest marriage.
Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
The way I see it, every Friday is Good Friday.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.