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This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Depending on how you look at it, half of 8 could be 4, 3, or 0.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.