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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
So the state trooper said "I`ve been following you with my lights flashing for three miles. Why didn`t you pull over?" and I said "Well, a few years ago my wife ran away with a state trooper and I was worried that you were trying to return her."
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
When people say, "You look familiar," i like to reply with, "Do you watch porn?"
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.