Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Treat your mom to a margarita this mothers day! Remember you`re the reason she drinks.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors