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I don’t care if it’s 4 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
I`m so broke right now that if someone tried to rob me, they`d just be practising..
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
I`d have better people skills if I worked with better people.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"