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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
I think I need to return my GPS...no matter what it can`t help me find easy street
Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
"Just so you know, you`re coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
I have never preheated an oven but I have pre-eaten a frozen pizza.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.