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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Can`t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.