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Bored? Update your Facebook to “in a relationship” with someone you’ve never met just to see if they’ll confirm.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
I don`t know why I think I could survive the Zombie Apocalypse, I cant even handle the puff of air at the eye doctor.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
You would think a popular place like the Krusty Krab would have more than two employees.