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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Girls love shoes… so if she throws one at you, you know she’s really pissed off.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
We all need that special person in our lives that makes it worth while to shave our pubes.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
It`s remarkable how much I can get done out of sheer spite.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.