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I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Accidentally took a women`s multi vitamin & I`ve been trying to get dressed for the past 3 hours, but everything is making me look fat.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
When someone says "Surprise me", I quickly drop my pants.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
I`m starting to wish I were a werewolf so I`d have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.