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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.