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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
I hope to get to the point in my life where I’m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Just one more drink and then I`m outta here" is one of my favorite lies.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
I am not retreating! I am advancing in a different direction!
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.