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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
I`m Not Single. I am romantically challenged
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
You seem to have a good grip on reality. You`re new here, aren`t you?
I’m holding cheerleader tryouts for my fantasy football team.