Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
As an adult, Iām not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I`m that friend that you have to explain to people before you introduce me and apologize about afterwards.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?