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"It seemed like a good idea at the time"............................... An often used phrase in a lot of my memories.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
The real fountain of youth is to have a dirty mind and a naughty smile.
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.