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You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
The problem with money is that too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."