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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?