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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
If I could keep it short, my life would be so much simpler.
Did you know, the designated driver is usually the guy having the most luck with the ladies.
3 words, 8 letters, easy to say, hard to prove... ..."I`m a zebra."
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.