Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!