Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t wanna make this weird but that`s just kinda how I do things.
It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.