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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
Parallel park, like nobody’s laughing.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Cats would be even more stuck up if they knew how much the internet loves them.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them