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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Some of the happiest years of a woman`s life are when she`s 29.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.