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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone