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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
If weed is ever legalized, I can`t wait to see the commercials...
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
I’m not brave. I’m just past the age where running is an option.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.