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Hair pulling during sex is hot ... unless the whole wig comes off.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
If Wendy`s think their square burgers are so awesome, why don`t they use square buns?
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers