Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Is there anyone called Phillip here? I found your screwdriver.
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what Iām doing.