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Iām trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Iām beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`