Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
Find someone you`re good at.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Where is the button to restart summer?
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.
Forget Klondike, you should see what I`d do for an open bar.