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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what I’m talking about.
I`ve decided I`m not going to focus on my past anymore. So, if I owe you money, I`m sorry.
When I hear someone say, "chicken pot pie," I get excited three times.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Wait,,,, What does it mean when my bride uses air quotes during the vows???
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
awesome collection!
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
My dance moves are somewhere between “dog being shocked by an electric fence” and “squirrel crossing the road.”
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.