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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.
I like playing with my dog when I`m high. Because I don`t have one when I`m sober.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
I make a great second impression.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
I think my new Stress Management plan is going to be alcoholism.