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Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned hiking, it`s the early bird gets the face full of spider webs
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.