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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
"Friendzoned" should be a relationship status on Facebook.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
Hey Monday+?+(???) +?+
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.