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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
Where 5 minutes becomes 5 hours. Facebook.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.