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“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
How many facebook friends do you have that if they posted "I`m depressed and on the edge", your first thought would be to poke them?
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll