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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Save electricity! Would you like it if someone turned you on and then left?
I know some of you would find it hard to believe, but I don`t say everything that pops into my head. I don`t think the average person could handle it.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.