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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
I took two years of Spanish in high school, so ordering off the Taco Bell menu is super easy for me.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.