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I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
I think I bought just enough fireworks to get my neighbor to move.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!