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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
If you are really bored, I recommend mass texting all of your exes "I`m ready to give it another shot" and then get ready for the ride of your life
No great story started with someone drinking water.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.