Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
If Google can`t find the answer, it`s not a question.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
I may have let you down, but it`s your fault for having such high hopes.
“True beauty is within” for example opening your fridge.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
If your dog is fat it means that you don`t get enough exercise.
Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.