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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.