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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
If someone is uncomfortable watching you masturbate they; A. Have intimacy issues B. Are frigid C. Should sit somewhere else on the bus
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside