Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
Today I caught myself thinking of you and smiling... but it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
Just took the batteries out of my smoke detector to use in my TV remote control. Dont judge me .. It´s Sunday.
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops