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Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
So those numbers on sports jerseys are how many people each player has killed or what.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
I`m pretty sure even Santa wishes they would stop playing Christmas music on the radio this time of year.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
I accidentally opened the fitness app on my phone for the first time ever. It just began pointing at me & laughing.