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People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Its weird how your entire day flashes before your eyes the moment you realize that your zipper has been down and you haven`t pissed in 8 hrs
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.