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Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills,with a rubber band around it...I found the rubber band....
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!