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Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Relatives comin` ~ hide all awesome stuff!
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?