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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
You will always be my best friend ... You know too much.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.