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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
"Oh Sh!t, Was That Today?" my autobiography
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains is great news for stupid people.
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
Sometimes I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn`t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.