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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.