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Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
A good way to break up with a girl gently, is to curtsy when you`re meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.