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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...