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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
I`m CDO. It`s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order. LIKE THEY SHOULD BE!!!
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but the more important question is, how did they get in there in the first place?