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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
There aren’t enough days in the weekend.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I`m so bitchy right now ... I won`t even talk to myself!!
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.