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Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
Having a favorite homeless person is weird, right?
You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Everyone’s an optimist when it comes to their car’s fuel gauge.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
awesome collection!
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.