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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
How I talk: 25% swearing, 25% sarcasm 50% a combination of both.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......