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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
You can tell a lot from a woman by her hands. For instance, if they`re placed around your throat she`s probably slightly upset.
You look like I need another drink
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.