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If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
My gf thinks I cook our meals cause I love her. Really, it`s cause I`m afraid she might try to poison me.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.