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I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.