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You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)