Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can`t hit a baseball."
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats