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I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall (he also had a pretty good summer too).
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
I told my girlfriend to get me a newspaper. Dont be silly, she replied. Borrow my iPad. That spider never knew what f*cking hit it.
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?