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The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Long story short, I love summaries.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
After 20 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly.
Mary, mary quit contrary, watched their garden thrive. The cops found seed of a very odd weed; Now they`s doing three to five.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
I believe in the silver rule of life: Do unto others then run!
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?