Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
I just blew all my party money on bills again
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell