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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
“Swearing is unattractive” I’m not attractive anyway so f*ck off
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Every time you have McDonald’s as a kid, it’s a victory. Every time you have it as an adult, it’s a defeat.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Thinking about waking up early for a run. Mostly thinking about how I will not be doing that.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......