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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
I’m drinking because you’re talking.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.