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"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
If they just built prisons out of the sh!t they package electronics in, no one could ever escape.
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
Why do people ask "what the hell were you thinking"? Obviously, I was thinking I was gonna get away with it and not have to explain it.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
I hate waiting until I`m dead. I want to haunt people now dammit.
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their sh!t together.
I`m sorry I said your head looks too small to power your body.