Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Give me a fish & I`ll cook you dinner. Teach me to fish & I`ll just be sitting there in the boat with you getting drunk.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors,its a job I can see myself doing.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"