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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
I miss flip phones because at the end of a conversation you could always dramatically close them like, bitch whatever.
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
Parts of my body are turning 50 Shades of Gray
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
You know one thing i really like about you is that you dont like anything about me.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!