Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
I think my girlfriend’s hallucinating. She keeps telling me she’s seeing other people.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
it`s friday o clock
When you`re down about your body image just type "fat people" into Google images, always makes me feel better!:)
I just saved a lot of money in child support by switching to condoms!
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?