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I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Care less and you’ll stress less.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
NO, I didn`t say you WERE stupid. I said, you ARE stupid. There is nothing past tense about it.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”