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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
The bible says you can`t buy your way into heaven but there isn`t a church in the country that won`t encourage you to try.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
Over half the contacts in my phone are named “Do Not Answer”
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.