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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like I’m choking it to death.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
You’re lucky that I’m so terrified of prison.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
I have no idea what swag is, but I`m fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!