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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
only fights if pillows are present.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
drink beer ?? save water
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
I Hope I can make it through another season of disagreement over the pronunciation of pecan.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.