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World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
Don`t tell me I look tired unless you`re offering to carry me
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
Trust me, I am a liar.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well