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Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
u cant spell awesome without me
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.