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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
MY MISSION IS COMPLETE!!! I have successfully wasted a little bit of your time today :) carry on!
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.