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United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won`t need to adjust her driving.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
The only thing worse than sitting on a cold toilet seat is sitting on a warm one.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
Noise cancelling toilets should be a thing.
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.