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My day so far: 1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively
If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
I`m just a boy, standing in front of a girl; not listening to a f*cking thing she`s saying. But nodding, lots of nodding.
Dwjxdjdhjfrjfjhrha! Sorry--you will get a more coherent status update AFTER I`ve had my coffee!
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
lifes a laugh, start living it!
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
To avoid being eaten by Zombies go to "settings", "public", and uncheck the box that says "Facebook users taste like chicken"
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.