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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating so much.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
Sorry, I can`t delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.