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Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
The lottery is over $400 million. Sorry poor kids, no dinner tonight...
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
A fun way to "Break up" is to tell them to "Go long" and then never throw them the football.