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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
If you don`t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
It`s not stalking if you love them!
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.