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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
On the subject of sex, my parents told me `the man goes on top, and the woman underneath.` No wonder I got divorced. For 3 years my ex-wife and I slept in bunk beds.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
It takes balls to be a man.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
I come from a long line of successful people. I have successfully stopped that tradition.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
Just another day of not being rich and famous.