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If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
My mother was feeling cold so now I`m wearing a sweater.
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
My boss doesn’t like it when I play slavery songs at work….
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.