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Iām beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
10 REASONS WHY I`M LAZY... you know what? Never mind. I can do this later.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
This post is just for you.
I ignored your Facebook friend request because there isn`t a "Hell no!" button.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Day 8. You should be thankful that I`m medicated
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.