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WebMD needs to add the question "Have you eaten Taco Bell today?" when asking about stomach-related symptoms.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?