Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If you see me talking to myself don`t be alarmed. I`m getting expert advice.
When I get home the first thing I`m going to do is rip my wife`s panties off. Because they`re too small and the elastic is killing me.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.
I`d like to read an obituary that says "He laid down the boogie and played that funky music till he died."
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
If I`m your emergency contact, for your sake, I hope that hospital sends texts too.