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Screw it, Iām starting Friday now.
Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
I bet the "YMCA" dance is a lot harder to do in different languages
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
You can tell how old someone is by what part of the chex mix is their favorite.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?